What I want to do for 2010

I want to pray more and serve God in ways I can.
I want to drive again and get my licence back.
I want to go to the Beach with friends again.
I want to go back to Hongkong and do more H&M shopping this time with Resa.
I want to go with Papa in climbing Mt. Apo for my birthday.
I want to buy more books and read more.
I want to party hard again like i did before.
I want my old self back.
I want to finally move forward.

Dear God,

You are the only one I have. Please don't leave me.

Your Child,
Josh

"Sprains Heal and the AfterLife is Real"

I love the way he looks when he’s excited, I love the way his eyes smile, I love the way he talks with confidence, I love the way he makes me feel when Im sad, I love the way he makes me laugh when Im down, I love his voice whenever he tries to sing, I love how he tries to cheer me up…

I hate it that I love so many things about him, and now that he’s gone, I hate it that I still long to love what I just lost…

Friends, sorry for the mess, I am picking up the pieces, let me be whole again…my heart will make it…

Thank God for the Love.

Exactly 2 years ago, I was in search for the perfect guy, for the feeling called loved and for a commitment I can consider forever, and exactly this date of 2007, my search was over. I found the most amazing guy, imperfect, but beautifully imperfect. I felt that feeling that love is more than just your heart beating, its something that your whole system takes part with. And I knew of that commitment that will be beyond forever, if there is such a lifetime as that. I felt that love is not just a feeling, it is a lifetime commitment.

Exactly 2 years ago, God gave me the best gift, early for christmas, too late for my birthday, but just in time when my heart and mind needs to be nourished, and God never failed. He never fails. I remember, that the same year, 2007, as early as January, I was praying that God give me someone who will take me, forgive my flaws, accept my “bratiness” and love me whole heartedly. I thought, he’ll never come, for its hard to keep up with a not-so-perfect, not-so-good, not-so-girlfriend material like me. But just in the nick of time, when I was about to end praying to Him and just accepting that among His creations, someone like that, is doubly difficult to give me, there came His best gift, in the best package, with the best delivery.

Exactly 2 years ago, I said to myself, that this man, I am with at this moment, is that man I want to be with for the entire time I will be on earth and for the extended time God will give me when I’m with Him in paradise. I said to myself, loving this guy is like making the best choice I have ever done in my life, and I will never regret it, nor I will ever feel I made a mistake.
Exactly 2 years ago, I promised that as I accept this Gift of God, I will forever take care of him, accept him for what he is and love him unconditionally. And exactly the same date, I promised myself, that this heart will beat only for this gift God gave.

But you know, not all gifts are ours forever, even life is just borrowed, so maybe, at the right time, God also chose to borrow him for a while, while He lets us see there’s more to us in this world that we have to discover, He might have ended it so quickly, but He never took it back. More than that heart break, I understood that He is planning something better, for a gift, He’s just preparing to make that same gift extra special, stronger, better and closer to perfection.
I totally understand now, embrace the fact with my whole heart, and can’t wait to see what more is in store. But for the mean time, all I can do, is pray that God binds us still with the love and care we have for each other, let us think and mature for good reasons, and get the dreams we have for one another as individuals, because at the perfect time again, He’ll surprise me with yet the best gift He can ever deliver.

I may not be celebrating for the same reason now, but at least I am happy that after two years, we still share some dreams, some prayers and most thoughts. I am happy that though we ALMOST did it to counting years, we still have a lifetime yet to count together. Remember, that you are always in my heart, and no matter where my destiny leads me, I know I’ll bring you, the memories of you and all of you with me. My love never changes as it grows more and I have no and will never have regrets.

Thanks for being the greatest grace, the biggest blessing and my lottery jackpot! I may not have everything and you know how I am now, but just the thought of you makes me feel that I am blessed rather than cursed. Our relationship, no matter what it is may not be perfect, it is, I can say, full of imperfections but this is the imperfections I will always love. I miss you, and I know that this ALMOST will soon be… AT LAST! Thank you for the love.

Happy Sunday. Missing Mama.

My last sunday was packed of activities...from church, off to the cemetery to visit lolo maning, it was his death anniversary..


after visiting lolo maning, it was time to unleash my nationalistic spirit... we went to Manila Memorial since some of our lolos are there too... but the highlight was visiting Tita Cory and Ninoy... my tears fell...
After that, had yummy lunch @ the regachos, my family had their own affair, my mom was at a rotary event, my sisters were out somewhere... I bet aying was bored to death.

Then we went off to the grocery to buy stuff for our baking bonding... Matt, Mico and I decided to play little chefs... and we had a blast, and made yummy cupcakes... :)


Had a happy, tiring sunday, more of this kind of day to come... :) I wish mama's here... missing her...

Happiness is Matt's Artwork...

creativity + skill + cuteness = matt's buttons and scarf in wonderland minature clay art.

24 Vs. 5

"Slap"! The moment I felt that i knew it was close to over. I felt i was, again, the "not-so-important" person in their lives.

Growing up, I was never my mom's favorite, I can say, maybe my dad's... but my dad has been away since I was born, I grew up not being favored no matter if I'm right, I was never noticed, I thought, maybe this was just my immature days, when everyone favors me and believes I'm not the evil one, except for my mom. But as I grow up, I can say, I have proven this.

And with the last few incidents I felt, maybe God really gave me a life that's beyond full of struggles. First was when I heard my Mom said "mas masaya kami nung wala ka".. This words coming from my her broke my heart and soul.

Then, my sister slapped me because she was defending her boyfriend of almost 5 years and hearing her words, double-broke my heart and soul.

For almost all my lifetime I have been doing my best, to be the best in school and in my career to make my mom proud. I have been fighting, being the bully that I am to defend my sister who is so meek and shy to fight for herself. I remember the days when I use all my influences to fight for her. And now, what do I get? I was traded for a 5-year relationship with a guy who happened to hurt her most of the time. I was just trying to make my sister happier and make her realize that if she chooses "that" path, she'll have a hard time, and I don't want to see her get hurt. That's really it.

I don't know why your sister for 24 years and will forever be your sister, can not choose you and dump you for her boyfriend of 5 years who is clearly making a fool out of her. I don't understand.

... I say, I will never do that, I will never choose a guy over my sister, over my family, and no matter how I love a person, I will not be blinded, because my heart can beat for him but the blood that runs thru my whole body, the blood that pumps to make my heart beat is the same blood I share with my family... and I know, If a guy really loves me, and has a kind heart, he will make sure, I dont have to make that choice at all...

I am proud to say, that with this person I chose to love, He will never allow something as heart-breaking as this, he will never make me choose him over my family, instead he will make sure that I can keep both realtionships happy. and with that I entrust my heart to him... and I entrust it whole heartedly...

Yes, I am hurt, and my heart's been broken for so many times, by people you wouldn't expect to crush it as much as it is today... But I can be happy, I will be happy and I am counting the days...

Let me understand how 24 years and a lifetime can be traded for a 5-year-torturing realtionship...

I hope the Holy Spirit will guide me... Amen.

xoxo.

I fell inlove with the Same Guy 10 Times....

... and I am still falling in love with him.

There's this certain look he has, that certain feisty look that makes me adore him everytime i see him. I dont know what's with him that he's the only person who can really bring out the best in me, in all aspects.

That is probably why everyday of loving, liking him is a challenge that I am very proud to take and win... and that is why I choose not to believe in fairy-tale like love stories anymore, because as far as I can see we may not be like the real prince and princess in your fave love story, but I feel like more than that when he chooses to be with me...

It's hard to explain why when he says "NO, STOP" I follow, it's hard to think why when he says I'm wrong, I know I am really wrong... It's hard to explain why I am falling in love with this guy over and over even if we never had the same things in mind, even if he never agreed to what I say...

Maybe because, what matters to me now, is not how many times he says YES to what i say, not how many times we agree on the same thought, but what's more sensible is when we let each other think that we are individuals, with different minds and thoughts but is bonded by love, love that enables us to see each other's bests.

... I counted the times when I said I love him, and I can't keep track of it anymore, it may be as many as you can think of, but all is meant from my heart... I counted how may times I fell inlove, and my counting never stops...

Goodbye GOL :(

Kabarangay,

Due to circumstances beyond our control, Ginebraonline has to formally shut down starting today (May 31, 2009) and will be gone for good.

and we hoped that in our short stint together as a community of Ginebra Gin Kings believers, you have somehow felt the spirit and the dedication that has brought about the birth of this site. Alas, all good things must come to pass.

Keep the never-say-die spirit alive for while this site is but our temporary home, Ginebra’s place in our hearts will surely not be effaced.

Salamat mga ka-barangay!

Admin and the Moderating Team
---------------------------------------------------------------

Upon trying to log-in to one of my most visited websites, this is what i saw...I had so many memorable moments with this site and with the people in it, and behind it... I attended the first random party ever in my life, and that was it's first anniversary... I met new friends here, and most of all, I met the love of my life here...

Although I had some sad moments here as well, I must say I had the best ones too... It's sad that after all the friendships made, the love found, the happiness shared, this has to say goodbye...

This may be hard, but I believe there is a good reason behind it, as they say, when something closes, there's going to be a new opening... positive thinking: who knows, there would be a better ginebraonline.com... I will miss this...

Mood: sad. shocked!

The Show...

I am loving this song, thanks hunk for introducing it to me... :)

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down I know
I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show

Thanks Friendship!Cheers.

Friend: ang tagal tagal na nyan... almost one year na, hindi ka ba napapagod?
Me: ano ka ba, hindi naman ako nagbibilang eh, you know,when you're happy you don't count days, weeks, months or years of waiting, basta you know you're happy... and I am happy, so who cares kung matagal na?

Friend: mapapagod ka din, im sure... itigil mo na kasi yan, mas masaya na dun ka sa taong masaya din for you, at hindi sya yun.
Me: how did you know what's in his heart? hahaha. alam mo, i'd rather take this kind of situation with him, rather than be with someone i'm not going to be happy with forever.

Friend: ayaw mo bang iopen yung heart mo sa iba? madami naman jan that I'm sure will love you the way you deserve...
Me: my heart is always open, but it has always been cautious... you know, i believe that when you trully love a person, you give him yourself, whole-heartedly...and I know the last time I did, I gave my whole heart, yes it was crushed, but the same person who crushed it, molds it back into pieces... in his own ways...

Friend: ang lalim... well, I cannot argue any longer, you love him for real, so much, and I am happy that you do, you are the nicest... kung ako yan, I could have bitched around, but you never did... lucky guy!
Me: hahaha... or rather, lucky me, I got the chance to love him and be loved in return...:)

Friend: kung san ka masaya chong, I am there with you... He has been open to be with us naman.
Me: I know... It'll take time.

Friend: I miss you. Be stronger.
Me: I am. Thank God for this trial. I know how to get up.

Freshness.

Nothing refreshes me more and energizes me more than this...


I will never get tired of drinking fruit shakes and fruit juices... It's my everyday Buddy...


I want a franchise of Fruitas... hehehe... :) L

Shocking,Surprising Finale

The recently concluded finale of American Idol was just amazing, surprising and a shock to some. I watched it three times ( I can't believe it either) over Star World, and Q TV, and I am just amazed... My thoughts on the finale... hmmm... :

1. It was definitely star- studded. Just seeing movie and music personalities like, Queen Latifah and Steve Martin, legends such as Rod Stewart, Keith Urban (Urban Legend, LOL, just joking), Lionel Richie (supported by his equally legendary heiress Nicole, LOL), Carlos Santana and Cindy Lauper (which was once a guest on Gossip Girl, Blair's bday party) and Rock Icons like Queen and Kiss (which was the reason why Adam Lambert won't forget his Idol stint), Black Eyed Peas' grammy-deserving performance and my new love, I am inlove with him, really, Jason Mraz... (wait, did i forget anybody?) made this really unforgettable, amazing and beyond words for the Idol Contestants and everyone watching the show...

2. It was entertaining, having these Golden idol awards, hahaha, bringing back the not-so lucky idols and my personal favorite, Kara singing and showing her body... wooohhoooo... entertainment it is! and not to mention Tatiana del Toro's "escaping" performance...

3. It was shocking. For all Adam Lambert fans and of course, no one was more than shocked than Kris Allen who is the new American Idol. Leaving the "Glambert" fans asking where did he go wrong when he as the best performer in the contest, and leaving Kris Allen, soooo speechless...

Some are saying Lambert was robbed, and some say Kris Allen was not as happy as expected... but it's done America has spoken... and Kris Allen is the New American idol...Cheers and Congrats to kris Allen and the underdog has risen as the winner....xoxo

Movie Line...

Gigi from the Movie he's just not that into you

Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up: if a boy punches you he likes you, never try to trim your own bangs, and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. every movie we see, every story we're told implores us to wait for it: the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. but sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. how to tell the ones who want us from the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. and maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. maybe the happy ending is just moving on. or maybe the happy ending is this: knowing after all the unreturned phone calls and broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment... you never gave up hope.

American Idol Finals

Who will win this season's American Idol?

Is it, the hearthrob-looking Kris Allen?



or, the Rock-star, guy-liner Adam Lambert?



I personally think, it all depends on what the "silent majority" says... wooohhooo... can't wait...

On my wedding day...

"i'm old fashioned, I love the moonlight,
I love the old fashioned things...
This year's fancies are passing fancies.....
but sighing sigh, holding hands
these my heart understands...

I'm old fashioned but i don't mind it, As long as you agree to stay old fashioned with me...

Gosh... I'm having LSS over this song... hahahaha... i will hear this on my wedding day.... :)

What keeps me going on...and on... and on...

I know my life has never been this short... it seems too short that I always think of things to make this life worth fighting for... things, people, and everything to inspire me more than ever...stuff to make me realize that life is not short as it seem... so.. let me count them down...

1. Family. I always thought and believed that my family is perfect... you know how it was taught when we were young? the mommy, daddy, siblings always together? that is how i always see my family... though my dad has been away most of our lifetime, he never failed to be the dad that he should be... supportive in everything... and he's a spoiler too... my mom, who always plays the big role in my life, never failed to play this role of hers as well.. and my sisters... they are amazing, supportive of what i want to do, and sometimes hates me for being such a stubborn...but makes me realize my mistakes din... and makes me laugh so hard that i cry... LOL

2. Jezrael. Talk about love and what it means... If there's one person, who made me understand that life is not all about being happy, and getting what you want., if there's one person who, inspite of being my dream come true, takes me back to reality, that's him and only him can do that... yes, yes, we were over for some time na, but he may have left the relationship, but he never left me... :), he is still there... same old jez that i knew and i loved, and he never fails to challenge me in this game of life... talk about being an eagle rather than just a small bird...

3. Dreams. I am so far from what I want to be and from where i want to go... so it seems like just seeing my dream-list, makes me want to live longer... where some include, going to paris, having by own biz, travelling the world and having my own house with high-ceiling and big windows...hmmm... :P

best gift yet!

it's been almost 2 months since my birthday, which I almost forgot, because for the first time I did not celebrate it the way I normally do...sad, but true... but surprisingly... I know, I may not have all the gifts i wanted but I got more love...

I knew ever since that my lola loves me so much, I can say, I am her favorite (yabang mode) hahaha... indeed, she loves me... and she loves me much... and I love her too..

I must say, this is one of the best gifts I had... and I would feel like dying if my lola will leave me...

xoxo.

Privileged!!!

I am so hooked up with Gossip Girl, and was trying to look for a series that will also be as exciting and worth the time to watch...

A friend, suggested "Privileged" starring JoAnna Garcia, Lucy Hale, Ashley Newbrough... and wooolllaaaahhh... I was hooked too, I finished the whole of Season 1 in 2 days, and I can't wait for the next season...

oh, and by the way, I was also inspired to teach, (and teach rich kids for that matter), because of Meagan Smith... and I wish I have the fortune of the twins, Rose and Sage... lots and lots of effortless-Moolah... hahaha...

i'd be sharing some of my fave episodes in the next days... wooohhooo!!!

What my Nails want.. :)

There are five things I am usually wearing, and I love to wear, my pearl earrings, lovely undies, bronzers and red nail polish... hahaha... Before, I normally have my nails done with French Tip, but at some point I got sick of them, and tried having red nails, and wooolllaaahhh, i am loving it...

I've tried shades from the face shop, revlon and even the local brand, caronia, but I must say O.P.I has the best red shades in their collection, not to mention, for the pink lovers, they have the best ones too...

I love the All-Lacquered-Up and oh...to be 25 again, and i have one more, I forgot the name... hhahahaha... try O.P.I, it lasts... it's wonderful... hahaha.. ;) Cheers!!!

Happy Nails...

I have tried so many nail salons and nail spa, but I have to say, this is my favorite... The Li'l Nail Shop... it's at Santana Grove in Paranaque....



It's cozy, and feels like your just a home serviced by friendly and careful staff... and at a very reasonable price... :) and I normally get my nails done there, and I must say, it makes me feel like coming back every week... and they have this point system which you earn every time you come over and with these points you would get a free service on your next visit... hahaha....


can't wait to come back to put some more points... yehey!!! Thanks to lyn, and yvette for always making my nails as posh as ever... miss them... :)

Rachel Getting Married

I just love this film, it's so meaningful, and the family issues are so true... i can so relate... hahaha... being Anne Hathaway...

I love how Anne Hathaway throws the one-liners, it's insulting, irritating but touches emotions... meaningful...

I love how the movie showed that there is forgiveness.

I must agree, that the last person to leave us no matter what happens, is our family...and we can always depend on them no matter what...

This movie is a must-watch... no doubt why Anne won a Best Actress award here... love it...

Cheers! Lots of love.

Heart Ache, Heart Break.

I was talking to my bestfriend cuz, just now and I heard about her recent break-up with a long term BF.... I feel sad... I cried... I wish I was there to hug her... I know how much it hurts... been there, done that, as they say...

I really hate break-ups, kahit ano pang dahilan, kasi i think it's like making you believe there's always a happy neding then turns out there isn't... it's sad... it's just so sad...

but in cases like these, there's always ice cream, movies, tequila, pizza, shopping, chatting and a lot of cuddling to make things feel normal, lighter and easier to handle...

heartbreaks are hard, sad and shocking, but it is also worth because of all the lessons learned...

Lesson Learned: once we give our heart to someone, we also give them the right to break it... :(

lots of love, Josh.